Emptiness won’t let me sleep.... part two?

I think it's a mixture of emptiness and a lack of security that has been keeping me up for the past three nights. I thought I figured a few things out, but I'm still as lost as ever. I have learned that figuring things out will take more than a couple of hours. My feelings have endless possibilities, so I shouldn't decide how I feel on just a few hours of observation.

Today was the first time I saw my church kids in four months. Nothing has changed. Diane and I still fight and hit each other like little kids. AJ always comforts me and shows that he's one of the sweetest guys I'll ever be blessed to meet. Sometimes I think I could still have a crush on him. It has been an on and off crush since sixth grade, but six years (on and off) is way too long for a crush. I saw Norman, the guy I was a TA with last year. His little brother was in our class. Kevin was shy and quiet. I made it a goal to get him to open up, even if it was a little bit. It didn't work, I think he was scared of me by the end of the year. I told Norman this while I was talking to him online a few minutes ago. This is what happened:
me: yeah, i obviously failed because he seemed to be scared of me by the end of the year
norman: hahaha
me: >.<
me: not funny, i wanted to be his friend. haha
norman: oh
norman: lol
norman: hes right next to me
norman: haha
me: is he reading this?
norman: dunno
norman: haha
me: ask him if he remembers me, and tell him i said hi
norman: yeah he remembers
me: haha
me: tell him i said hi
norman: he said ur funny
norman: no
norman: O-o
me: what?

Norman then went on an away message? Uh... did that mean Kevin doesn't remember me or he doesn't think I'm funny. >_< I wanted to be his friend! Yes, I wanted kid in seventh to be my friend... badly. :) Btw. He's now in eighth grade.

One more thing, I'm up because I'm scared to go to sleep. There's a man outside with his hood on playing the flute. He's pacing back and forth down my street. I rather not fall asleep tonight... Someone, save me. Protector number one, protector number two... Charles, Raul... where are you guys when I acutally need you?